I was having a discussion today with a co-worker regaridng the "Pay for Plate" concept for giving (or expecting) a wedding gift.  I know it is "normal" to give a monetary gift that covers the per plate cost, but i really struggle with that concept.    My feeling is, unless you are planning a wedding, do people really know that the "going" rate is for a wedding?  Plus there are sooooooo many factors.  For example, in some areas of the country $25 is normal per plate, other parts it is $100.  Then you have to factor in is it a weekday or weekend wedding, morning or night, Vienese table or just cake, off season or prime season, what about if they added tons of extras...and on and on.   Personally I would give the exact same amount to someone regardless if they were getting married at the fanciest hall or their backyard.  I dont think it is my job or responsibility as a guest to pay for or subsidize someone else's wedding. 

For those of you that do think you should recoop your  per plate amount, do you indicat the amount you are paying on the invitation, or casually mention in during a coversation.  And for those of you that want to give a gift that equals the per plate, do you call the B&G and ask them what they paid.  My co-worker believes in the "per plate" concept so I asked her "how" she determines the amount by going on the website ahead of time and gets a "feel" for the type of place...if it seems "fancy" she gives more, if it seems "minimal" she gives less.  ....At that point, I had to make an excuse to leave the discussion because I was floored by that answer.   

What is everyone else's thought...I am just curious because I am going to two co-workers weddings this year and I know for a fact that one wedding will be over the top and is being paid for by the parents and the other one will be more basic and she and her FH are paying for the bulk of it themselves...I am still giving them both the exact same amount because my relationship with both of them is about the same